Roller Coaster of Emotions

Last week I had a great week and felt quite energetic. But this week my energy has gone to the other end of the scale, maybe because I did a little too much and I’m paying the price for it now.

This week I have been a little emotional. It just seems like every time I turn on the TV or read a paper that the word Cancer is everywhere. It all started on Sunday while watching the Great North Run and seeing all the amazing people who are raising money for charities in peoples memories. I think its absolutely inspirational, but at the same time it sunk in that I’m one of those people that has this horrible illness.

Then I read an article on my Daily Mail app about a woman who is in her 40’s and been told she has 6 months to live as her Bowel Cancer is incurable. She, along with her daughters has made a bucket list of things she wants to do while she still can. That has really pulled at my heart strings and made me think about my situation. I’ve not been in a good place trying to process all the negative things that have gone through my head. It’s worse at night my head seems to go into overdrive and that’s when I end up crying myself to sleep.

Maybe, how I’ve been feeling has been magnified by the fact that I have my half way scan on Tuesday. This scan will hopefully answer a lot of questions. The main one being is the Chemo working? I feel really apprehensive about it as I don’t want to have the CT Scan on Tuesday then have to wait two weeks for my next Consultant appointment to get the results. As I have my 6th Chemo on Wednesday I want them to tell me then, because I don’t think I could wait 2 weeks, I’d end up going insane!!

I’m hoping after Tuesday I will be in a better place!!

xxxxx