I knew that in the past two weeks my health has gotten that little bit worse. Which happened pretty quick to be fair as the last week leading up to Christmas I had felt really good going to the Christmas Plays at school. I was even able to breathe my tummy in which I hadn’t been able to do before. So without saying too much out loud, I thought the chemo may be working.
Typically for me and the bout of bad luck I have, around Christmas Eve I started feeling queasy, that my tummy had gotten bigger and harder, I wasn’t able to eat the amount I wanted too and I had a metallic taste in my mouth. In hindsight, I wish I hadn’t put off my chemo by a week and put off the CT Scan I had had arranged for the middle of December when I was at my best. The doctors did say that that wouldn’t have made any difference.
As I said in my last blog I pushed through Christmas as best I could because I didn’t want my health to ruin yet another thing, especially knowing potentially it could be my last one.
Stuart and I took his parents to the hospital yesterday for morale support. I went in knowing things weren’t great due to how I was feeling. Dr Keni told us that the tumor on my Liver has gotten bigger and the cancer has now spread to two points in my bones on my back. The tumor in my Bowel is stable. She did explain why I have been feeling the way I have due to everything pushing on my Liver, and that’s why I have the metallic taste in my mouth and the sickness. After hearing this, and even writing it now on here, I had a massive lump in my throat and I knew if I started crying I wouldn’t be able to hold it together.
And breathe… Ok the options. Dr Keni has referred me to a few hospitals around the country who specialise in Clinical Trials. Clinical Trials are treatments that have not yet been tried and tested. In the meantime my doctor has put me forward for a biological treatment called Cetuximab. It is known as a Monoclonal Antibodies they work by targeting specific proteins on the surface of the cells. I won’t go into too much information on this because I haven’t even read up on it myself.
This is the first time I have been able to talk about yesterday….well just about. I have to say this blog has been a struggle. I can’t even talk to my mum and dad yet about it ( sorry mum and dad) because I’d end up breaking down in tears and I am trying to hold that back as crying makes me feel more queasy. Stuart has had to do all the talking for me.
I can only say I feel numb at the minute. I do know that when Cancer gets in the bones, that really isn’t a good sign and its hard to get back from there. I keep wishing that Damon and Stefan from the Vampire Diaries would come and feed me their blood, then kill me and I would be come an immortal vampire. Or Edward and Carlisle would come and bite me with their venom!! That way I know I would be around for a really long time.
I had another Chemo treatment today as I know I feel better on it, so we will see how that goes.
Thank you everyone who has been keeping up to date with my journey so far. This is not me giving up, this is just me trying to come to terms with what I have been told.
PS Sorry if this gets any of you upset, I probably should have put a warning at the beginning xx